May 10th, 2005

magikist

(no subject)

I realized that today is the anniversary of the disastrous events that led to my separation with my old company.

You know what? This is a happy anniversary for me.

I'm sitting on my deck, as I did yesterday, looking out at the waterfall that we started building around this time last year. Mary wanted to pull the plug on the project when I resigned, but I said, no, let's go on with it, make it our faith yard, make it a symbol of our faith in God, our faith in our love for one another, and our faith in our talents and abilities.

Here, a year later, I watch the birds flying overhead, stopping at the feeders and eating, singing their happy songs, making lives for themselves in the trees that we've planted. I look out at the willow oak that was obscured by all of the pines that we had taken down, and see how well it's grown, and realize that, in some way, it's a metaphor for my life. I realize now that, free of the people and the situations that hung over me, I've grown, happier and even healthier.

We spent a fortune on the yard, money that most people would tell me I should have kept to support myself through the beginning of this phase of my life, and I wonder, if I hadn't gone ahead with the project, whether I'd be feeling the same sort of blessing that I feel now. If I'd played it close to the vest, gone into panic mode over the sudden deprivation of a regular paycheck, would I feel as blessed now? If I had chosen to obsess over the fact that I have no health insurance, to worry about what might happen in the event that something awful were to happen to me or to Mary, would I be able to enjoy the beginning of a new phase of my life?

Back to work.