John Holton (john_holton) wrote,
John Holton
john_holton

I've convinced myself that, regardless of how I feel, the last couple of weeks have not been a total waste of my time, nor is it necessary for me to find another profession. I appreciate those of you who took a moment to make suggestions; you were very helpful in pointing me in the right direction.

Mary and I went to the central library yesterday, and I picked up a couple of books on instructor skills to use as a refresher. At least one of them is good enough that I might purchase it for my personal library. I think the devil is, as always, in the preparation; I keep going in, thinking that I can just wing it, and it's never quite that easy, particularly when dealing with new material. I've complained that I've had a hard time seeing the forest for the trees in the training that we offer, and I realized that, well, that's my job. Or, to put it another way, I'm so busy fighting alligators that I forget that my job is to clean the swamp. Makes me wonder how I've been able to support myself all of these years.

Natalie Goldberg, among others, talks about approaching things with a beginner's mind. I have a hard time doing that, regardless of what it is that I'm doing, whether it's writing, or playing the guitar, or teaching a class, or anything. I feel as though I've done it before, so I should be able to do it again, and when I can't, it gets frustrating. I have to give myself the chance to be a beginner at things, whether I've done them for years or I've just started doing them.

I remember seeing Harry Chapin (not live, but on TV) and someone in the audience asked him, "How did you decide to become a musician?" His answer was really great: I chose to do something that I could be bad at for a while. It's kind of why I decided to go back into training for a living. I have to keep reminding myself of that.

Anyway, didn't mean to ramble.
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