John Holton (john_holton) wrote,
John Holton

Another day spent out of the house, mostly. Mass at noon, then to the grocery store, then off to Starbucks again for an afternoon with our heads in books. Having gotten halfway through Sunset Detectives by Herman Weiss yesterday and getting totally frustrated with the eternally jumping point of view, I went with a book on writing (the Gotham Writers' Workshop's Writing Fiction, as if I need to be reading any more books on writing). Perhaps I should bring one of my books of sudoku puzzles next time. I've tried bringing a notebook, which works fine when I'm sitting at a table, but Mary likes to sit in the comfy chairs, which make it a little hard to write, and I don't just want to sit somewhere else away from her. Perhaps a stiff back notebook? Hmm...hadn't thought of that...

Off to have the car serviced tomorrow. The Honda dealer is close to my doctor's office, so I'll stop there on the way back and pick up whatever new supplements she wants me to take. I know I'm taking Mary there on Wednesday, but I'm trying to be sure to take everything the doctor wants me to take. I trust this one.

I got to thinking about it today: Yes, I allowed myself to become twice the weight that a man my size should be, yes, I didn't exercise and ate badly, yes, I didn't really care much about it, but no, I'm not ashamed or embarrassed by it. It happened, it's over, it's time to move on and get myself back into some sort of shape. I know it's not going to happen overnight, so I'm still going to be a big, fat guy for some time to come, but, as the old Roman saying says, the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. I've had a lot of false starts with losing weight in the last several years, where I'd lose some weight and then go right back to doing the wrong things, but you know, that's the past. I'm putting it behind me. I'm doing the right thing now. Yeah, it's going to cost a small fortune, but it's going to work. My fifties (which I will start in 69 days, unless I've done the math incorrectly) are going to be better than my forties.

I'm already feeling better than I have in a couple of years, I can reach parts of me that I wasn't able to reach less than a week ago (I'll spare you TMI), I've had several people comment that I appear to have lost weight (one went so far as to say that, if I got myself down under 200 lbs, she was going to "take a run at" me, which surprised the hell out of me--not that I'd ever in my wildest fantasies consider it), and for the first time in a long time I like myself. I like myself how I am, I like myself how I'm going to be, I believe that this will be a good time for me. I have a long road ahead of me, and I know I've said this before, but I believe that this time it'll work.

It almost has to.
Tags: update

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