I went to the doctor today. I'm a little heavier than I thought I was; I discovered that I had used her scale incorrectly the last time I weighed myself (seems I pushed the weight past the 300 lb mark). Still, I'm at 321, which, as she said, is a hell of a lot of weight to lose in a short amount of time. She also said that my blood pressure is, at last, coming under control. It was at 137/85, which technically is high, but when you consider I was shooting 200+/100+ before all of this, I'm doing much, much better.
She prescribed a movie this time: What the (bleep) Do We Know? (it's not really (bleep); it's a string of non-alphabetic characters), which evidently addresses the whole issue of mental programming and how we get these ideas in our heads. She said it was a cult classic at one time, but it's come into more general availability.
She also explained the whole matter of meditation, which I haven't been really good about doing. I explained that I was constantly worried that I was going to fall off the wagon, so to speak, and go back to my old eating habits and put all the weight, and more, back on, to the point where I'm now afraid to put anything in my mouth, for fear that I'm going to start back on the road to hell, so to speak. She explained that a lot of people in my position have the same problem. Even people who have undergone gastric bypass surgery are constantly plagued by feelings that they're going to get fat again. The reason behind it is that while their habits have changed, their thinking hasn't, which is why she recommended the movie. She explained that what I needed to learn to do was to replace the negative thoughts (I'm going to fall off the wagon and be fat again and forever) with positive affirmations (I am what I am and what I am is beauty and strength, as an example). She told me to say it. I choked up. She said that was good, that I was getting to the bottom of why I was getting fat.
I know, it's psychobabble. But, somehow, I think it's going to work.
She said that it was very common for sensitive people (believe it or not, that's me!) to put on a lot of weight as a way to cushion ourselves against negative energy coming from whoever or whatever. I had never heard it explained that way before...
Anyway, it was a good visit.