I've decided that spending another 30 days kowtowing to this idiot's every whim and fancy is not worth the effort, even if it does mean keeping my job. I feel like I've already wasted 3 1/2 months by having decided to rescind my resignation back in January. I knew that things weren't going to get any better; whatever possessed me to stay with this company after all of the bad experiences of the last year is beyond me. Hubris, perhaps. Maybe codependency (that's Mary's theory). Laziness is probably more like it. A friend of mine once said that the easiest decision to make is no decision, and I guess that staying with this company was the easiest thing to do, since I'm the sole means of support and I keep hearing reports of how bad the job market is (it isn't, based on what I've seen in my search so far) and how expensive and hard it is to get health insurance (the grand canard of our political class, from what I've seen and heard so far). I'm not in a position to be lazy, or codependent, or whatever-the-adjectival-form-of-hubris is.
I've realized that there's nothing that I can do to fix the current situation. Everyone has decided that I'm the problem, not the product, not their decisions, not the approach that they've taken to bring it out into the market. They neither want nor appreciate my help. They just want me to go along with the program and continue to "take one for the team" every time I go to a customer site, or every time I stand up in front of customers. They want me to couch the truth (that the product needs a whole bunch of work) in language that they like. I can't do that. More to the point, I won't do that. So, it's time for me to leave.
It's good to take a gamble. I have friends out there who have been let go by this company who are now happily employed elsewhere (including several who are self-employed and taking business away from my estranged employer) who could always use another hand. I have a list of customers for whom I've done work in the past who I intend on contacting as soon as I can get myself out of my current situation. I have talents and skills well beyond anything that I've been using in the last few years that I'd like to have a chance to use again, or perhaps for the first time. Our parish has a ministry for the unemployed and for the job seekers that I plan to take advantage of. I've already submitted a resume to one company that just began looking for trainers, and I have several other leads here in the Atlanta area to pursue. And, it's time to do it.
Mary's on board with me; we've decided to persist in our efforts to hardscape the back yard, which we've now re-named the "Faith Yard". We have enough to get by fairly comfortably for a while, we've agreed to cut back on our spending and do whatever it takes to get through this period. She doesn't want me to stay and continue to be miserable. She has faith in me. That's all I need.
More as things unfold. Wish me luck.