John Holton (john_holton) wrote,
John Holton
john_holton

Update part 2

So, anyway, after joining Mary to watch TV, I went back to my office and discovered, lo and behold, that the Braves-Marlins game was just beginning at 11 PM. So I watched that with Toby, who insisted on following me into my office and preventing me from doing anything computer related. He gets in front of me and paws at me to give him attention, and the more I put him on the floor, the more he does it. He's so cute and pathetic, it's hard to ignore him.

As I was saying yesterday, I'm having a hard time putting myself in a chair and trying to figure out what this working for myself thing is going to be all about. There are so many things that I want to do with my life, so many things that I've felt that I've been putting off, and yet I'm up against the need for money and have to find some way to be able to pay the bills and provide for Mary and me. I mean, the short term is covered, but I don't want to be lured into the false sense of security that having a few bucks in the bank to cover me can provide. That's the trap I got myself into by staying in a crappy situation at work all of these years. Money was coming in, and little was asked of me, and while I wasn't happy with the situation, I stayed.

Besides, I want to work. And there's plenty of work out there for people like me. I can see it out there on the job boards, I hear it from people who want to be able to represent me to potential clients, I hear it from people who do the kind of work that I do and are busy.

I think part of the problem is making a decision and letting go of everything else. Make that one of the problems. The exact opposite is also a problem: Being tempted to become so focused that I say no to a lot of things that I could do and that would help me pay the bills but aren't exactly what I'm set up to do.

Maybe the biggest problem is that I'm not sure how to tell people what it is that I do. I'm having the hardest time getting all of the stuff that I can do onto a 2x3 business card, onto a one-page resume, into a two minute "elevator speech". That's when I think, you know, John, maybe you shouldn't even try. Perhaps instead of a business card, I should have a business cube, with each side representing something I'd be able to do. Maybe one page isn't appropriate for a person with as many talents and skills as I have. Perhaps my elevator speech should be, "visit my website, www.johlt.com".

More later. Ironically, this morning I'm running my church's job networking meeting.
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